THE ORIGIN OF PROPHETS OF THE COSMIC DARKNESS

Prophets of the Cosmic Darkness started because I realized I was running out of excuses not to make music.

Music had always been part of my life. I wrote songs long before this project existed, but that part of me basically stopped for nearly a decade while I was serving in the Navy.

When I left, it came back almost immediately.

It didn't feel like rediscovering an old hobby. It felt like something I'd put away for ten years suddenly demanding my attention again.

I had music in me, and at some point I realized I either needed to make it or accept that I probably never would.

So I started making it.

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A DEATH METAL BAND

The original idea for Prophets of the Cosmic Darkness was completely different from what it became.

I wanted to start a death metal band.

That obviously didn't happen.

Once I started recording by myself, I discovered that I really liked having control over the entire process. I could sit down with an idea and follow it wherever it went without having to explain it to anyone else.

I started experimenting more.

Synthesizers became a much bigger part of what I was doing. I started learning production. I spent increasingly ridiculous amounts of time sitting in front of Logic trying things simply because I wanted to know what would happen.

Eventually I stopped thinking about putting together a traditional band.

Prophets of the Cosmic Darkness became something much more personal: one person figuring out what kind of music he actually wanted to make.

I'm still figuring that out.

LIFE GOT INVOLVED TOO

Around the same time, a friend of mine died by suicide.

I'm not going to pretend there's some clean inspirational lesson that came out of that. There isn't.

But losing someone changes your relationship with time.

It certainly changed mine.

There are things we convince ourselves we'll eventually do. We'll start the project later. Write the song later. Learn the instrument later. Make the film later.

Then something happens that reminds you that "later" isn't guaranteed.

After my friend died, I started writing with much more urgency.

I stayed up later. I experimented more. I learned new tools. I made things even when I wasn't entirely sure what I was making yet.

I stopped waiting for myself to be ready.

LISTENING TO RECORDS WITH MY HUSBAND

Some of the direction came from much quieter moments.

My husband and I would sit in the backyard at night and listen to records.

Chromatics came up a lot.

So did Boy Harsher.

There was something about both of them that I couldn't stop thinking about. The music could be melancholic and hypnotic without becoming enormous. It could be electronic and still feel incredibly human and intimate.

At first, I wanted to make music that sounded like that.

I tried.

And I failed, which turned out to be useful.

Because every time I tried to imitate what I loved about someone else's music, something else came out.

Eventually I stopped trying so hard to sound like my influences and started paying attention to whatever I was making instead.

That's probably when Prophets of the Cosmic Darkness actually started becoming Prophets of the Cosmic Darkness.

WHERE THE NAME CAME FROM

Film was another major influence.

I've always loved the work of Panos Cosmatos, particularly Beyond the Black Rainbow and Mandy.

His films are strange, slow and sometimes more interested in making you feel something than explaining exactly what's happening. They're beautiful and uncomfortable at the same time.

That appealed to me.

And Mandy is indirectly responsible for the name.

There's a moment in the movie when the Chemist tells another character:

"You exude a cosmic darkness."

That phrase stuck in my head.

Cosmic darkness.

I loved how unnecessarily enormous it sounded.

Somewhere along the way, "Prophets" got attached to it.

And suddenly I had:

Prophets of the Cosmic Darkness.

It's an absurdly serious name.

Especially considering the music eventually became considerably less ominous than the name suggests.

But I still love it.

WHAT IT MEANS NOW

I used to have a much more elaborate explanation for the name.

There was mythology around it. Every record was going to represent another prophet. There was a whole concept built around darkness, messages and this fictional universe surrounding the music.

I've mostly let that go.

Not because I'm embarrassed by it. It was part of figuring out what this project was.

I just don't think Prophets of the Cosmic Darkness needs an elaborate explanation anymore.

It's the name of the thing I make.

The music has changed.

I've changed.

The influences have expanded considerably beyond the records that originally pushed me toward starting this.

And I'm sure all of that will change again.

That's actually what I like about it.

Prophets of the Cosmic Darkness doesn't have to represent a particular genre, aesthetic or concept.

It can just follow wherever my interests take me.

The only part that really matters is why I started doing this in the first place.

I spent almost ten years not making music.

I don't intend to do that again.